It's time for me to wake up. I'm not the usual person that everybody used to love. Usually not that stressed, having sudden blows, getting some heart explosion or even slapping myself. I've gone and I don't know how to return. It's been very edgy cause every turn is a wrong turn. I ended up in the same direction over and over again. I can't start afresh because I have a stubborn brain. I can't get rid of my habit of expressing because I'm too open about myself. But lately I've been too quiet and I kept everything to myself and my mind was bombarded with words in an abnormal manner. Been talking to myself lately and I don't even know why.

2011 was a very bad year for me. Year of the Rabbit but the rabbit luck ain't coming for me. I'm struggling. I feel alone. I can't do anything to help myself. Just why is being a human so difficult? I've been building up tension everyday and I released it full blast. The tears were like a water tap. Free flow of water.

But I'll feel like a total idiot if I lost my friend because of this. But because of the constant 12am sleep 6am waking up is getting me out of control. I can't sleep earlier because I can't. I can't wake up late because I've school. Most important of all. I can't confide myself, instead of me. So it's like bottling up all my feelings again and it falls into the category called "Tension".

I don't know how long I can last. But I'm going to go mad.

Really, really mad.